Hi I am Paul Purdue, Mary Jane, Lee and Colby’s cousin, and the Pastor at Belmont UMC in Nashville Tennessee, where we believe everyone is beloved by God and that clergy generally wear robes for funerals. But I speak to you today as a family member, so I wore a suit, but I thought I might put on this stole to preach Ben’s funeral. (Nashville SC scarf).

We have come together  to mark our grief, to turn to God and one another, and celebrate remarkable Ben’s life. 

For the 35 years I have known Ben, Ben always gave the world his warm smile and keen mind. Even as he jumped ahead a grade in school, Ben ran for class president at Second Street Elementary. Ben’s opponent ran on a platform of changing the food in the cafeteria- Ben knew that was never going to happen even with the loudest fourth grade protest!  Ben worked on his speech at home, unwilling to give into childish political promises of premium milkshakes, less math and longer recess. Ben lost the election but kept his principles. Ben lived a principled life.  

In High school Colby went on a field trip to DC and ended up on the front page of the State Journal holding a sign reading “not my president”  a backlash ensued with angry citizens spewing allegations of Unamerican and unpatriotic. Ben wrote an op ed declaring the genius of democracy as a diversity of thought enshrined in our Bill of Rights.

Ben was a listener- a learner- often the smartest kid in the room and the kindest. Ben thought before he spoke or posted and genuinely hoped to woo you to what he considered to be the right opinion, which for Ben tilted to the left. Ben offered respect and a breadth of knowledge in any debate.   

 I remember when Ben was in High school and running the sound board for the 535 service at this church. I was starting a service at my church and came up a few times.  I was shocked at how talented Ben was even then.  Ben had a great ear, a talent he would hone.

Ben came to Nashville for college and found his groove, his people, his place,  his community. Lee and Mary Jane said that Ben needed Nashville’s soil to bloom. And Ben Blossomed in Music City. 

Ben’s life has been profiled by feature stories on three of the four Nashville Networks- ABC, CBS and NBC.  Somehow Fox missed out on Ben!

A songwriter friend wrote, Ben Cowherd is simply just one of the best people this city has ever been fortunate enough to have. He was so welcoming, friendly, and had the largest, most genuine, and consistent smile. 

Ben brought light into the room- it radiated from his  smile that invited you in. Ben did not save that smile for the influential, the powerful or those who already loved him. Ben’s laugh and presence radiated welcome. We, human beings, crave such authenticity.  

Ben’s friends sometimes would try to tell Ben what an extraordinary friend Ben was: how “Ben was the best friend”!  Ben understood loyalty as bedrock value and with a laugh say  “it’s just called being a friend”

Among the accolades one artist said, “Ben was one of a kind.”  Maybe Ben understood that it is a fool’s errand to try to be someone else. Ben gave us the gift of himself.

John Richardson wrote:  I’m still struggling to find the words. Ben was one of the kindest, most genuine people I have ever known- with an emphasis on genuine. He treated the newest songwriter in town with the same level of respect as someone in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I know this because he did sound for me when my event space hosted Gene Simmons from KISS. The banter between the two was legendary- Ben made Gene and the crowd laugh to the point that Gene, whose ego knows no boundaries, told him to “stay in your lane”. But that was Ben, there was only one version of him, and he gave it to you every time. …  I always looked forward to the end of Americana because Ben and I would strike the gear, and then drink bourbon together. He would get on guitar and play blues riffs, and I would spitball goofy lyrics until we were crying and laughing. … Ben’s loss  is a devastating blow to the true Nashville songwriting community. 

In James chapter 2, James questions the faith of any Christian who shows favoritism, especially preferential treatment to the rich and powerful. I know given the sad state of today’s cultural Christianity, that might be hard to believe, but it’s throughout the Gospels and prophets: God loves, hears us, and welcomes us all equally. That is how Ben treated people: Ben saw all people as people. 

Ward Guenther, Founder of Whiskey Jam wrote “Something magic happens when you hear yourself sound good on a microphone for the first time. Ben Cowherd was behind that magic for countless artists at countless venues in Nashville. He gave them confidence & hope at a time they needed it more than ever. He changed a lot of lives. He was as giving as it gets. 

Eli Rhodes wrote of Ben You taught me how to mix on an X32, and you mixed an album for me for free, not just because I was a poor musician, but because you believed in me and called me a friend.

Ben’s musical ear was born of listening and not just listening, but thinking how I can help that person sound better and then partnering with them to create a better version through the microphone and mixer.  You can’t do much better than helping other people find their best voice. 

And then there is soccer- Nashville SC posted: Nashville SC is heartbroken by the devastating news of Ben Cowherd’s sudden passing. Ben was the best of the Backline Supporters Collective, always drumming his heart away with a welcoming smile and spirit that were greater than life. Soccer was his tool to care and stand up for those in need, and with that he built a community of soccer fans and friends whose backgrounds surpassed borders. What Ben meant not just to Nashville SC and the Backline Supporters Collective but to our entire soccer Community cannot be measured.  Our thoughts and prayers are with Ben, his family and friends. Nashville SC

I wish we all could be in Nashville tonight during the NSC match at Geodis Park when the Backline Supporters Collective will hold a moment of silence during the 35th minute. It will be holy.

Ben was an original member and board member of the Nashville American Outlaws, supporting USA Soccer.  The Outlaws shared that Ben was one of the most kind and genuine individuals that has ever graced the face of the earth. He never met a stranger and did so much to make sure people felt welcome… Ben was a light to everyone he met and wanted to make the world a better place.  

 Ben was a light to everyone he met. In Matthew 5, Jesus could be talking about Ben as he talks describes how to be a light: “Blessed are those who avoid a proud spirit,  who mourn over injustices and loss, who are humble, merciful, ethical, pure in heart, and peacemakers: for they are living as God’s children.” Right after that Jesus says You, you folks like Ben Cowherd, you are the light this world needs. Let your light shine by doing the right things and people will see God through you.”  

Ben operated on Ben Standard Time-  and one day as Ben was running late for work, Ben encountered an elderly Vietnamese neighbor. Seeing that she was distraught,  Ben, being Ben, stopped and  listened.  With his limited Vietnamese Ben could not quite understand her problem, but followed her to her apartment where Ben employed Google Translate to learn that the husband was sick and the wife needed help.  Using the translation app Ben realized the woman wanted Ben to carry her seriously ill husband down three flights of stairs. Ben couldn’t do that alone, so proceeding phrase by phrase Ben managed to call the man’s doctor to see if they had a shuttle service.  They did not. Ben was growing concerned and  convinced the wife to call 911. Ben called for her and waited until the ambulance arrived to tell the Vietnamese couple’s story and ensure that the paramedics allowed the wife to ride along to the hospital. Ben gave her the  gift of Ben Standard time: compassion, humanity and mercy.  When asked the greatest rules for living, Jesus gave us two love God and love your neighbor as yourself.  But a legalist wanted to define: “neighbor”- so Jesus told a story about someone in need, and how a passer-by did not see the need and a preacher on their way to church did not make the time, but a Samaritan (the defining stereotype of otherness for Jesus’ audience) saw the person, stopped, offered care, and at a personal cost ensured that one others had left for dead was cared for. Jesus asked us  “What do you think? Who was a neighbor?” The legal expert said, “The one who demonstrated mercy.” Jesus said, “Go and do likewise.” Slow down, see people, show compassion.

When the grief grabs me, I pause and think of Ben- that warm smile and maybe it’s Ben’s beard or flowing  hair, but I see a glimpse of Jesus in Ben’s smile.  I give thanks to God for Ben’s light that made our world better. Grief is that work of remembering, yes acknowledging what we have lost- but remembering the beauty of one who brought light into our worlds and holding it as sacred in our hearts and minds. 

Finally, as Tom and I spoke on the phone we talked about Ben’s use of his mind to defend the underprivileged, under served, under represented, marginalized, mis-genedered and mistreated. Ben cared for those who so many seem to hold in contempt instead of compassion. Ben used his voice  to speak up, speak out and amplify often ignored voices. So maybe we end with one of Ben’s reflections and an invitation to join Ben’s charge to shine more light, love and equality into the world. 

 Ben wrote: I’ve been trying for days to find the right words to describe my feelings about the recent murder of not only George Floyd, but Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery- and I keep getting frustrated because there are just too many words and emotions to put in a social media post most people won’t read anyway. But I feel that it’s important to say *something*. So here it is:

I’m furious. I’m deeply saddened. I’m frustrated. I feel helpless. I feel disconnected and yet it resonates deeply with me. I hate that there’s hate in the world. I hate that people discriminate solely on the color of someone’s skin. I understand that because of my skin, there’s a privilege that’s not afforded to many of my friends, and that isn’t fair. I hate that people I love are disliked for reasons they can’t choose. I hate it when I find myself falling victim to these same prejudices, and damnit I absolutely know better. I’m overwhelmed at times by the complexity of the problem, and at the same time the simplicity of it- and that there’s no simple solution.

That’s my vent. Now here’s my pledge:

I pledge to do better. 

I pledge to be an advocate and an ally.

I pledge to call out injustice.

I pledge to root out racism, sexism, and inequality however I can.

I’ll need help to maintain this pledge, from everyone. 

    Maybe my friends can join me along the way. 

Finally, there’s always someone smarter than I am who inevitably said it better- so here’s Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words in his Letter from a Birmingham Jail:

“Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live in a narrow, provincial way.”

Oh what a heavy loss we are feeling together.  Let us pledge to help each other with that load. Let us remember Ben with thanksgiving. Let us be a friend to those in need. And let us answer Ben’s charge to shine more light, love and equality into the world. 

Amen