A few years ago, I attended a dinner party with a vegetarian friend. The smell of bread baking greeted us as we walked in, and freshly cut flowers brightened each table. The host elegantly plated each meal. When the host presented garnished chicken to our vegetarian friend, I almost spoke up. But before I could butt in, my vegetarian friend graciously thanked the host for the beautiful meal.  I thought “oh, maybe she is not a vegetarian any more!”   She was! My vegetarian friend told a few of us, “our host poured so much love into that meal I wanted to simply receive it.” She chuckled, “It  was the best chicken I have had in years!”   What would you have done? Do we stand up for our vegetarian principles or  slip our chicken to the family’s Goldendoodle?  Our Roman’s passage reinforces Jesus’ Matthew 7 commandment “do not judge”, but life frequently forces us to make judgment calls.  

The emerging church in Rome was filled with a variety of divergent opinions about vegetables, worship practices and other matters of theology and expressions of faith. Paul preaches “Welcome the person who is weak in faith—but not in order to argue about differences of opinion. One person believes in eating everything, while the weak person eats only vegetables.”  Arguing and welcome don’t pair well together. In Galatians 5 Paul tells us “fighting, obsession, losing your temper, competitive opposition, conflict, selfishness, and group rivalry” are opposed to a spiritual lifestyle.   

Paul, before the Damascus Road, lived a strict religious life, never eating unkosher foods like snails, shrimp and pork. Even today, Leviticus serves up 73 verses about what righteous people shall or shall not eat. In Daniel 1, the Hebrew slaves serving as interns in King Nebuchadnezzar Babylonian Court boldly asked for a strict vegetarian diet. Once upon a time, Paul likely only ate vegetables unless he was sure the kitchen was kosher. Spiritual practices center us in God and who we are. Every kosher meal reminded Paul of his faith, but somehow the form had taken over the spiritual function, the rules had replaced the relationship, and legalism had pushed out Love.   

Found by Love Paul became a reformed legalist and unafraid to deconstruct conventional religious notions.  David L Barrlett in the commentary Feasting on the Word writes: “we often think “strong’ Christians are those who follow the clearest set of rules for right behavior, for Paul the “strong” Christians are those less obviously scrupulous and the “weak” Christians follow a longer list of rules  …. For Paul what seems to make a strong believer is a trust in God’s grace…”  We might think a strong vegetarian would never eat meat, but maybe a strong vegetarian trusts that 5 ounces of chicken does not undo who they are? In 2 Corinthians 3 Paul tells us that “the letter of the law kills but God’s Spirit brings forth life.” Following Jesus is a deep liberation from legalism, formulas, regulations, and rules. Faith trusts that Christ is present with us guiding us as we make judgment calls.  

Last week I preached from Romans 13 about how we owe people love. ( IOU Love) and I asked for any questions. Someone texted: “Love looks different to different people…misguided love, tough love.  If love is above the laws, how do we understand what is the right form of love and if whose view of love is correct? For example, some people do bad things in the name of love and they may actually think they are loving the other person but it is actually harmful.” 

I texted back “good question”. I almost texted back “I wish I had a formula for that!”  We can say “first do no harm”, “love your neighbor as yourself” or “judge not”, but people have done incredibly unloving things in the name of tough love like refusing to go to their child’s wedding or even stopping speaking to someone in the name of tough Christian love. Such misguided love is often propped up by a few verses of Scripture and maybe a church community cheering them on as they the one they consider weaker away.  

What is Christian Love? “Love is patient, kind, isn’t jealous, doesn’t brag, isn’t arrogant,  isn’t rude, doesn’t seek its own advantage, isn’t irritable, doesn’t keep a record of complaints, isn’t happy with injustice, but love rejoices with the truth. Love puts up with all things, risks trusting, hopes for good, and endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13) If that does not feel like tough love, try living it! Did you notice there is no fixed formula in that list. You see the same ethic in the Galatians 5, spiritual people demonstrate “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Love is not found in fixed formulas or a Bible verse to end all debates but in an attitude of deepest welcome: God is Love. (1 John 4) 

Paul calls for church folks to lay to the side their strong beliefs for the sake of dinner: “Those who eat must not look down on the ones who don’t, and the ones who don’t eat must not judge the ones who do, because God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servants?”  You are not God- stop judging- judging is a job for God alone. “They will stand or fall before their own Lord (and they will stand, because the Lord has the power to make them stand)…  “Each person must have their own convictions. Those who eat, eat for the Lord, because they thank God. And those who don’t eat, don’t eat for the Lord, and they thank the Lord too. So stop judging each other. Instead, this is what you should decide: never put a stumbling block or obstacle in the way of your brother or sister.”  

Each person must have their own convictions. John Wesley said “Think and let think” 

I grew up in a pretty black-and-white, theological world. Our church was full of good people who sadly were often against more than they were for.  Our church was officially against dancing, despite Psalm 47 and DJ Casper’s Cha Cha Slide proclaiming “everybody clap your hands”  to the left, take it back now y’all”!  Our youth  directors told us that the reason we didn’t dance was because dancing could lead to lusting, and lusting could lead to sins of the flesh. I now realize how those youth talks reinforced a patriarchal misogynistic worldview- not worth repeating. I went to every sock hop with my silent partners: judgment, sinfulness, sexism, guilt and shame.  I know that sounds ridiculous to those of you who grew up at Belmont, however, I was over 30 and attending a Golden Anniversary with a live polka band and family all laughing and swirling together when I thought “dancing is lovely!”  Why  share this? Well, religious arguments rarely  wooed me towards grace. Most religious arguments lead us to stop talking or to dig deeper into our theological trenches.  Most of us need to feel welcomed, safe and loved before we let go of our inward idolatries. We need faith, hope and love to risk dropping a long reinforced belief.  What changed me?  Well the Holy Spirit, my own searching for theological consistency and loving and kind people who saw the world differently than I did but who showed me love anyway. 

Does that mean we never speak up or never call out a harmful word? No, Paul actively challenged those who used religious rules to exclude and shame others. In Galatians 2 Paul rails “ I opposed Peter to his face because he was wrong!”  In verse 16 of our passage Paul argues “Don’t let something you consider to be good be criticized as wrong.” So if our host that night had said, All vegetarians are going to hell,  we would speak up!  Love resists evil, injustice and oppression even if it is fueled by misguided love!  It may be that some people, even family members, can become too toxic and we need “to shake the dust off our shoes” and move on, but persistent love is harder to overcome than the best arguments (Matthew 10)

Love releases people to have their own convictions. Love respects people. Paul honors people, because “God has accepted them”!  We can see expressions of faith differently because God is bigger than our best thoughts and who knows maybe God will woo you or I to a different theological space. A strong faith is not threatened by another’s faith, but trusts that God is at work in all of us. In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul says “knowledge puff up, but love builds up.”  We often want to win arguments with words, when love may be a better tool to change hearts and minds.  Welcome people, even theologically misguided folks, don’t judge their hearts even as you examine their arguments, keep on loving them. Love is all that remains. Welcome the weak, but not to argue. May we strive to be people known by our love for all people. Amen.